‘How do I make other people happy if I am an autistic adult?’ … autism and happiness

There’s a lot of debate in the autistic community whether we should make other people happy or not, and whether they should first make us happy or not. However, some people are really desperate to make others happy, they mail to me and ask for advice. So I think it’s only fair that I answer that question, of course with the knowledge that every autistic is different and unique.

As an autistic adult, I find it quite challenging to understand and connect with others in ways that make them happy. However, there are several things I think we can do to improve our interactions and make others happy:

  1. Learn or practice active listening : When engaging with others, take the time to actively listen to what they have to say. Avoid interrupting and try to understand their perspective.
  2. Practice the empathy we have (although some of us find it harder than others): Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Although it’s sometimes hard, try to put yourself in other people’s shoes and see things from their perspective.
  3. Be as respectful as the other one is respectful to you: Treat others with the respect and kindness you feel from the other one, even if you disagree with them on some very basic issues. Try to use as appropriate social etiquette as possible and be mindful of personal space and boundaries, even if they seem not to mindful to yours.
  4. Focus on shared interests: When engaging with others, focus on shared interests and topics of conversation. This can help build connections and make interactions more enjoyable for both parties. It may be hard to do so, because some neurotypicals have only non-shared interests, and only have society-related interests.
  5. Use humor if appropriately in the situation: Humor can be a great way to connect with others, but it’s important to use it appropriately, and that may be hard for some of us. Try to find out what humor the other one likes, but don’t force yourself. Some people really don’t have autistic humor.
  6. Practice self-care: Taking care of your own needs can help you better connect with others. Make sure to get enough sleep, exercise, and engage in activities that bring you joy.

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Published by Sam

NL: Ik ben Sam, ervaringswerker autisme / autismeambassadeur Sterkmakers in Autisme, en ben onder andere actief bij de Vlaamse Vereniging Autisme en GRIP vzw. Ik ben samen met Roos. Daarnaast ben ik gek op schrijven, lezen, observatie, filosoferen, parafraseren, reageren, visualiseren enzo verder. EN: I am Sam, known as Sam Peeters, known as 'Tistje', and I have been writing about autism in a broad sense since 2008. I am an adult man with autism and above-average intelligence. I have various limitations and disabilities. I live with my partner Roos, who is also intelligent and has autism. I work as an experience worker, for example at the Flemish parent and family association, for GRIPvzw, a civil rights organization advocating for equal rights for people with and without disabilities and have several others collaborations. I have experience in several kinds of support, contexts and both regular and higher education, where I have earned three bachelor's degrees. I have worked in different types of labor and various forms of support, aid, and care. I am also active on social media platforms like Facebook, X/Twitter, Tumblr, and Pinterest under the name 'Tistje'.