Between Shores: Navigating Life with Autism

In every stage of life, there’s something hard to leave behind, or maybe I never left anything behind but carried it along. Sometimes, I feel like the boy in a painting, walking along the shore, dragging a net that gets fuller with time. Whether this feels like a burden or something that makes me think deeply depends on how I’m feeling when I ask myself that question. Especially during changes in my life, I find it hard to let go of certain things.

For example, moving to primary school, dealing with peers at eighteen, the social parts of work and the challenge of changing tasks often, the challenges of living on my own, the complexity and unpredictability of dealing with people and romantic relationships, and getting older with physical and mental limitations. Each time, I’ve had to let go of both the struggles and the ways to handle them. Living with autism means that every solution or method I use has a limited shelf life, and with each new phase or environment, I need a different solution because the old one doesn’t work anymore and can even be harmful.

In all these stages, it’s still hard for me to let go of how my peers develop and navigate life. Despite people trying to soften this constant struggle with positive words, I’m always aware of the huge difference between what’s considered normal and abnormal in everyday situations, whether it’s at the supermarket, at a roundabout, at the hairdresser’s, at the bank, or at a crosswalk.

Sometimes, people say that autistic individuals can withdraw into their own world, unaware of these differences. That might be true for some, but not for others, like me. I also struggle with making sure I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, in a way that might seem funny or unrealistic.

Finally, in every stage of life, it’s hard to balance staying in my comfort zone and meeting the expectations of others to step into their comfort zone, without them realizing how often things are made easy for them. This doesn’t mean there aren’t people who have it even harder, with society being even less accommodating for them. I want to be more aware of this and not let go of it, just like my passions and youthful spirit, because I believe they are essential to what it means to be human.