How to Say ‘No’: Tips for Autistic Individuals

Nine strategies that help saying ‘no’ and building healthier and stronger relationships.

Being able to say ‘no’ is a crucial skill, especially for autistic individuals. It helps you set boundaries and protect yourself from overload. Here are some strategies to help you say ‘no’ clearly and assertively.

Challenges in Saying ‘No’

Setting boundaries can be difficult for everyone, but it can be especially challenging for autistic people due to potential sensitivities to social stimuli and fear of negative reactions. Nonetheless, prioritizing your well-being is essential.

Strategies for Assertiveness

1. Maintain Eye Contact and Use an Open Body Posture

• When you say ‘no,’ make eye contact and use an open body posture. This reinforces your message and shows that you are resolute. Speak with a clear voice to give your words extra weight.

2. Refer to Limitations (Optional)

• Explain that you have certain boundaries due to autism. For example: “Because of my autism, I have difficulty with sensory overload. Can we have this conversation in a quieter environment?” This helps others understand your situation and be more considerate.

3. Opt for Written Communication

• If saying ‘no’ verbally is difficult, consider written communication. This gives you time to carefully formulate your words and prevents you from responding hastily.

4. Use “I” Statements

• Express your boundaries from your own perspective. For instance: “I feel overwhelmed when I have to do too much at once.” This makes your message more personal and clear without attacking the other person.

5. Limit Excuses

• Avoid making extensive excuses for your ‘no.’ This can come across as uncertainty about your boundaries. A short and firm “no” is often sufficient. There’s no need to provide lengthy explanations.

6. Repeat Your ‘No’ if Necessary

• Repeat your ‘no’ if necessary, in a calm and assertive manner. Don’t be swayed by unexpected reactions. Remain steadfast and repeat your message until it gets through.

7. Seek Support

• Seek support from trusted people, an autism coach, or other autistic individuals. They can provide valuable tips and techniques to help you stand your ground. Self-awareness, self-care, and practice are essential when learning to say ‘no.’

8. Build Confidence by Starting Small

• Start by setting small boundaries and gradually build your confidence. Practice makes perfect, and over time you’ll find it easier to say ‘no.’

9. Create a Safe Home Environment

• A safe and supportive home environment can help you practice and develop your communication skills. Ensure you have a place where you feel comfortable and understood.

Conclusion

It is courageous to set your boundaries, and saying ‘no’ is indeed challenging, especially when considering potential consequences. Remember that you have the right to say ‘no,’ even if you are autistic. Don’t be too hard on yourself and give yourself the time and space to develop this skill. By setting clear and assertive boundaries, you can improve your well-being and your relationships with others. Saying ‘no’ is an essential part of healthy communication, which can contribute to enhancing your well-being and relationships with others. Feel supported and seek help when needed.