Autistic communication thrives with clarity, patience, understanding, inclusivity, and mutual respect.
As an autistic adult, I often experience conversations differently from others. It’s important to understand that my perspective doesn’t represent everyone on the spectrum — autism is incredibly diverse. In this article, I’ll share some personal challenges I face in conversations, as well as how my communication style can enrich them. By fostering mutual understanding, we can make communication more inclusive and meaningful for everyone.
Nonverbal Communication: A Different Language
Interpreting nonverbal cues like body language, facial expressions, and gestures isn’t always intuitive for me. What might be a meaningful glance or a small gesture for someone else can feel vague or confusing to me. That doesn’t mean I’m uninterested; I actually pay close attention to what’s being said because words often give me more clarity than implicit signals. If you’re direct and explicit in your intentions, it makes our conversation much easier and more enjoyable.
Meaningful glances or gestures may feel vague to me, words often give more clarity
Sarcasm and Idioms: Literal or Figurative?
Figurative language, such as sarcasm or idioms, can sometimes trip me up. While I understand the concept of sarcasm, identifying it in the moment can be a challenge. For example, phrases like “break a leg” or “spill the beans” can feel confusing until I realize they’re not meant literally. However, this doesn’t mean I lack a sense of humor — I deeply enjoy clever jokes or creative metaphors, as long as they’re clear to me. If you’re unsure, you can simply ask if I understood; it prevents misunderstandings and helps the flow of the conversation.
Sensory Overload: A Hidden Hurdle
A noisy, chaotic environment can make conversations overwhelming for me. When there’s too much sensory input — like loud sounds or bright lights — my mind feels overcrowded, and it becomes harder to focus on the conversation. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to participate, but the setting creates a barrier. A quieter, calmer space allows me to engage more effectively. If a conversation must happen in a busy environment, I appreciate when others give me time and space to process my thoughts.
Noisy, chaotic environments make it so hard for me to focus on conversations, even if I actually like them.
Social Norms: An Invisible Rulebook
Social conventions, like knowing when to speak or how to introduce a topic, often feel like navigating an invisible rulebook. This can result in awkward silences or accidental interruptions on my part. It’s not that I don’t care about the flow of conversation — I simply process these cues differently. If you’re explicit about what you expect, such as telling me when you’re finished speaking or asking me for my opinion, it helps make the interaction smoother for both of us.
Abstract Conversations: Prefer Clarity
I enjoy exchanging ideas, but abstract or emotionally complex topics can sometimes be challenging. If someone explains something in vague terms, I may struggle to grasp the meaning. On the other hand, clear and concrete examples or ideas help me engage deeply. My preference for clarity isn’t a limitation — it’s just a different way of understanding that often leads to detailed and insightful discussions.
Eye contact may be uncomfortable for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not listening to what you say to me.
Eye Contact: Not My Measure of Engagement
Maintaining eye contact is often seen as a sign of respect and attention, but for me, it can be distracting or even uncomfortable. If I’m not looking directly at you, it doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention. I’m simply focusing on your words rather than your gaze. Understanding this helps make our interactions more comfortable and less stressful for me.
Small Talk: A Challenge with Purpose
Small talk can feel shallow and difficult for me to navigate. While I understand it helps others ease into a conversation, it often feels purposeless to me. If you want to connect, I greatly appreciate when you move to a more meaningful topic quickly. That makes it easier for me to engage and connect on a deeper level.
My attention to detail and honesty bring a lot of depth to our conversations.
Too Many Questions: Give Me Time
When I’m asked multiple questions in quick succession, it can feel overwhelming. I like to carefully consider my responses, but too many questions at once make it difficult to prioritize and process. If you give me a little extra time to think, I can provide thoughtful and clear answers. This helps the conversation flow more naturally.
What I Bring to Conversations
While I face challenges in social interactions, I also bring unique strengths to conversations. My attention to detail, honesty, and ability to analyze deeply often make for thoughtful and meaningful discussions. When given the space to communicate in my own way, I can contribute perspectives that others may not have considered.
How We Can Improve Conversations Together
Improving communication is a shared responsibility. It helps me when you’re patient and direct, and in return, I do my best to express my needs and preferences. Together, we can create conversations that are inclusive and mutually rewarding.
Communication is more than only following communication rules. By taking the time to understand each other, we can foster genuine connections that work for everyone involved.
The European Autist 