The Many Ways We Communicate: Understanding Autistic Conversations

Communication between autistics is as diverse, rich, respectful, dynamic and complex as between other groups in society.

Communication among autistic people is often overlooked, but it is just as complex as interactions with neurotypical individuals. While some of us share traits like a preference for clear language, our communication styles are as varied as autism itself. This diversity can lead to meaningful connections but also to unexpected challenges and misunderstandings.

It’s a stereotype that all autistics speak plainly, without sugarcoating

A common belief about autistic communication is that we are all direct and honest. This stereotype suggests that we speak plainly, without sugarcoating, but that is not always the case. Many autistic people communicate indirectly, carefully choosing words to avoid conflict or because they feel unsure about how their message will be received. Honesty, too, is not universal. Some of us adjust our honesty to fit the situation, balancing truth with sensitivity. This shows how diverse our ways of expressing ourselves really are.

Despite these differences, the idea that we are all direct communicators persists. It likely comes from the fact that some of us struggle with subtleties like implied meanings or social niceties. To make up for that, straightforward speech can feel like the best option. But this is not the reality for everyone. Even within our community, how we interpret and respond to language varies widely. What feels neutral to one person might seem blunt or hurtful to another.

Co-occuring conditions and communication methods may lead to confusion between autistic people

These differences can sometimes cause confusion. Words, gestures, or even the intent behind a statement can be misunderstood. For those with co-occurring conditions, like anxiety or ADHD, communication may be influenced by factors like sensory overload or difficulty organizing thoughts. Some autistic people are less or nonverbal, using devices, written text, or gestures to express themselves. These methods can slow the pace of conversation, requiring patience and understanding. Symbolism and context also play a big role in how we understand each other. Without shared meanings or background, even a clear message can seem unclear.

Finding a balance between being true to ourself and being considerate of others

Finding a balance between being true to ourselves and being considerate of others can be challenging. For many of us, honesty feels essential — it shows respect and trust. But too much honesty can sometimes hurt, even when it is unintentional. Navigating this balance requires thought and care. Some strategies include explaining why we say something, making space for others to share their perspectives, and being open to checking if we have understood each other correctly. These efforts can reduce misunderstandings and help build connections, though it is not always easy to know when to adapt and when to stand firm in our communication style.

Another layer of complexity arises when communicating with people who have different abilities or methods of expression. Some autistic people use speech devices or rely on written language. Others might communicate through gestures, facial expressions, or even silence. These differences remind us that communication is not just about words. It is about listening, observing, and creating space for the other person’s voice, however it is expressed. Patience is key, especially when responses take time, and it helps to avoid making assumptions about what someone is trying to say.

Good communication is a share responsibility of autistics

Ultimately, good communication is a shared responsibility. Both people need to be open to asking questions, explaining their intentions, and respecting each other’s boundaries. It is not only about what is said but about how willing we are to understand one another.

Autistic communication is full of variety, and that is its strength. Misunderstandings happen, but they can be opportunities to learn and grow. For me, communicating with other autistic people is a journey of discovery. It is about adapting, listening, and staying true to myself while building connections that are rooted in mutual respect. By embracing our differences and working together to understand them, we can create spaces where everyone feels heard, no matter how they communicate.