Respect that someone calls themselves either autistic person/person autist or a person/person with autism. Then do not try to correct or correct that person with a terminological explanation. In both cases the use of words mainly says something about how the person concerned orients himself towards or associates with autism (spectrum disorder). A negative interpretation or context can cause problems in both ‘autistic’ or ‘with autism’. I would like to live in a world where every word that comes after “I am” or “I have” never creates negative frictions again. Leave it to people on social media to nitpick about this.
Listen to autistic people, and don’t fill in for them what you think they should mean. Listen as you listen to others, by giving your full attention to what they want to say, being aware of your assumptions, being open to their interpretation (however divergent it may be), and verbally following them.
Avoid making assumptions or estimates of the level of functioning with autism of who you address or talk about. Do not assume that someone is mild or (very) severe, high or low functioning, ‘pronounced’ or ‘subcutaneous’, self-reliant or self-reliant autistic. This is often a generalization and incorrect assessment (certainly as an outsider), and is done on the basis of external characteristics from a limited number of situations or experiences. It can lead to gross under- or overestimation and frustration or aggression on the part of the person you are talking about. Understand that any autistic person may experience a disability in one situation, appear ‘severely autistic’ in another, and exhibit nearly the same capabilities as others in yet another context.
Inform yourself as widely as possible about autism.Don’t limit yourself to either autistic authors or authors with a great deal of empathy and/or experience with autistic thinking and living together with autistic people. Do not limit yourself to books, but watch a film or documentary, experience an artistic work of art by autistic artists or artists from the environment of an autistic person. Regularly listen to different autistic speakers and speakers who have a lot of experience and insight into autistic thinking and get in touch with autism ambassadors.
Regularly enter into a dialogue with the widest possible group of people with autism and people who live in their lives, especially those who do not immediately match your image or experience of autism and who do not communicate or live in the same way as you do. Also, don’t forget to enter into a dialogue with those who live with autistic people day and night, not because they give a voice to autistic people, but for their own experiences and experiential expertise.
Support organizations that are led by autistic persons or that significantly involve autistic persons in their activities. Get involved in their work or ask them how you can contribute to their project(s).
Try not to be ’empathetic’ with statements such as ‘we are all a bit autistic, aren’t we?’, ‘yes, the (autism) spectrum is broad’ or ‘your autism is not that bad’. Also, don’t make the unforgivable beginner mistake of telling someone with autism, “But you don’t look autistic at all.” Also, just assume someone has autism when they say so, and don’t wave it off. Don’t see it as an embarrassment, or a sign of some ‘Big Pharma’ conspiracy theory or ‘label mania’.
Don’t apologize to someone for their diagnosis. If someone tells you that he/she has a diagnosis of autism, or if a parent/grandparent or partner tells you that his/her child or partner has a diagnosis, never, ever say “that’s a shame” or “that’s sorry to hear’. It’s even better to say “congratulations,” although that may not always be appropriate either.
Be autism friendly and respect everyone’s difference. Be aware that in every environment where you live, work, live or spend your free time, there are autists who you work and communicate with you. They may well experience those environments very differently than you do, and mostly have to put in a lot more effort to get the same thing done. Try to be concrete and clear about your expectations and your intentions, go along with his suggestions about what could be more pleasant or better, think about what you can do and don’t wait for someone to present their diagnosis.
The European Autist 