Lesson 1: Know Your Absolute Brain and Work With It, Not Against It
Learn to recognize and accept your own absolute, linear thinking style. Stop torturing yourself because you’re not flexible enough or plan too meticulously. Your brain processes information differently—from detail to whole—and that is not a flaw but a fact. Acceptance of this fundamental characteristic is the starting point for a workable life, not the destination.
Lesson 2: Make Unpredictability Predictable With PLATO
Take active control of uncertainty by demanding or creating radical clarity about People, Locations, Activities, Time, and Organization. Translate “later” into exact times, ask clarifying questions about vague instructions, and communicate explicitly what you need to function. This is not excessive perfectionism but essential self-care that transforms anxiety into agency.
Lesson 3: Monitor Your Internal Signals Manually
Build systems to consciously check what others sense automatically: Am I warm enough? Have I eaten? Do I need the bathroom? Is something hurting? Use timers, checklists, or ask others to help you remember. Your manual system works perfectly well once you acknowledge it and provide support for it, rather than continuing to hope it will somehow become automatic.
Lesson 4: Use Planning as a Springboard, Not a Cage
Prepare thoroughly so you can actually begin, but learn to let that preparation go when the situation demands it. Planning is not the goal but the means to feel safe enough to engage. Recognize that spontaneity takes a different form for you: it emerges from safety, not from chaos.
Lesson 5: Translate Abstract Questions Into Concrete Answers
Train yourself and others to concretize abstract concepts. “How much pain?” becomes “what can you still do?”. “How are you feeling?” becomes “what physical sensations do you notice?”. Refuse to feel shame about not being able to intuitively provide a number—instead, ask for better questions that you can actually answer.
Lesson 6: Protect Your Energy as a Precious, Limited Resource
Understand that social interaction, decision-making, and sensory input drain your battery faster than others’. Schedule rest periods the way you plan for a long journey. Say no to activities not because you don’t want to participate, but because you’re protecting your energy budget. This is not weakness but intelligent self-management.
Lesson 7: Choose Consciously When and How You Mask
Acknowledge that masking causes pain and is not merely exhausting. Learn to distinguish between situations where masking is necessary and moments where you can safely be yourself. Actively create “unmasking” spaces and times where you can deliberately remove the mask. The goal is not to never mask, but to bring it under your control rather than having it control you.
Lesson 8: Ask for Practical Support, Not Normalization
Seek help and support that offers concrete accommodations rather than therapy designed to change you. Ask for clear communication, written instructions, sensory adjustments, and structure. Refuse the message that you must change to fit the world—instead, demand that the world make reasonable adjustments for you.
Lesson 9: Give Gradual Insight the Time It Needs
Accept that your understanding and processing move at a measured, deliberate pace. Don’t force quick decisions or immediate reactions when you need time to process information. Communicate that you need time and will return with your thoughts later. Your slower processing often leads to deeper and more thoughtful insights than quick reflexive responses.
Lesson 10: Tell Your Own Story Without Letting Expectations Dictate It
Recognize that there is no single correct autism narrative. Your experience doesn’t need to fit the success story, the tragedy story, or the inspiration story. The day after your diagnosis doesn’t need to be spectacular. Your story may be complex, contradictory, and evolving. The only requirement is that it’s honest with yourself, not conforming to others’ expectations of what autism looks like.
The European Autist 